We no longer have a bookstore – good bye Borders

We just lost our bookstore! I am not quite sure what to think. I’m still in a state of shock. I live in the little Hawaiian town of Hilo. The population is about 40,000. This is one of the wettest places in the country and has some of the highest gas prices to boot. Today for instance I paid $3.45 for a gallon just to give you an idea.

All of this was bearable because one of the things I love to do most is to shop for and buy books. When our family moved here, I took consolation that fact that there was a Borders bookstore. It was a small one and had a limited selection, but hey we had one here.

Last Saturday they were selling off the last of the books and whatever else wasn’t nailed down. And Sunday, they were removing the signage from the side of the building. Now the closest major bookstore is 82.9 miles and a 2 hour and 13 minutes drive away.

With what my wife does, we have an opportunity to make a positive difference in this community. One of the reasons I agreed to come out here was because there was a bookstore. Now, I am out in limbo. Last semester, I needed to purchase an APA style manual. Could I have gotten it online? Sure. However, waiting for shipping to an island is like watching someone harvest maple syrup. So, I went down to the bookstore and purchased it.

If I seem a little disjointed, I am. Books have been a huge part of my life since college the first time around. I feel like I have lost a great friend. Perhaps I will have to pick up a Kindle or iPad and get my fix the new fashioned way. However, it is just not the same.

Here is what we have left, a university with almost 4000 students, a Walmart, a little mall with a Macy’s and Sears, an international airport, and a Target on the way. And, just in case you were wondering, how in the world we could not support a bookstore; it’s simple. We have a population who feels entitled to read the books for free (I guess not realizing that it was not a library) and never really feeling the need to buy anything. Really, what happened is that too may people consumed resources without giving back (in this case buying something) and the rent went up. Now everyone has to suffer and let’s face it a library doesn’t have the best selection.

Finally, I found out what is going into the building. Walgreens. Yes, we are getting another drug store. And, yes it is nice that the university has a pharmacy school, but we don’t need that many pharmacies. Just when I thought I was living in paradise another sad day hits and makes me question why we are really here.

School starts next week – Hitting the books again

I am 36 and back in school. Some may ask, why? The reasons are simple. I have been working in an industry that is so far outside of my natural giftings that it is time to make a switch. I’ve been an Internet developer for almost 15 years and early on the web has been good to me. I had a pretty comfortable life and there was plenty of work. However, things can and did change.

When change happens, one can either roll with it or fight it. My wife and I moved to Hawaii over a year ago and for the first six months of living here I fought change with everything that I had in me. Needless to say, the writing was on the wall and it was time to either remain unemployed or enhance my skill set to provide another alternative for job options when programing jobs were not flowing.

Ultimately, we (the wife and I) made the decision to send me back to school. And, one of the great things about where we live is that there is a University here. It is the second largest state university and has some graduate level programs. So, I set a new goal. I’ll try to get my masters degree in something that is better suited for my brain. However, there is a catch. Isn’t there always? I don’t have the required undergraduate courses for consideration to the program.

So here are the consideration keys for the program I am trying to get into:
– Have to take the GRE (was told to get at least a 1000 on it)
– Have to have at least 15 hours of undergraduate psychology classes including research methods and statistics and six hours of which must be 300 level or higher
– A baccalaureate degree
– A minimum of a 3.0 GPA

I started this journey in January and in January I was still not considered in-state as far as tuition goes, so we ended up having to pay full price to get going. The first class, Psychology 100. Yep, I had to start at the bottom. I had put so much pressure on myself to get an A in that class that I ended up setting the curve. Why do I have to get an A? Because, the more A’s that I get the better looking candidate I will be. What I didn’t know is that I would have to relearn how to study all over again. That was one rough semester.

Then came the summer. I decided to take two summer school courses. Developmental Psychology and Psychology of Personality. Doing so would put me over the halfway point with regard to the minimum course requirements. The summer school courses were very compressed. I don’t think I could have done more than one each term. We (the other students too) managed to cram a lot of information into a short amount of time. However, I did well. I managed to pull an A in each of those classes as well.

A quick look at the check list and I find that a lot of progress has been made since the beginning of the year. I took the GRE and got an acceptable score. A total of 9 hours of psychology classes has been taken with two 300 level courses knocked out of the way. And, I already had the BA and GPA requirements from the first time around.

On Monday I start my fall semester. This one is going to be a serious challenge. I have five classes totaling 17 semester hours. All of the classes save one are on the list the Chair of the masters program gave me. My wife is due at the end of September and I have to get my application together to submit in January. Whew, no rest for the weary.

This may be the hardest semester yet, but it will be worth it in the end. You see, there is only going to be an increased need for mental health workers. The masters program here is also a great stepping stone for a PhD program later.

Now, what happens if I don’t get accepted into the program? Well, first I will be very disappointed with myself. Then, after a sufficient amount of sulking, I will continue on with plan B. Plan B is to complete my undergraduate degree in Psychology. I will already have 26 of the 41 required hours and another year to complete the rest. Once the undergrad degree is complete a plethora of doors open up for continuing my education. I can apply for the masters program again and this time I will be a much stronger candidate. Additionally, I can apply to PhD programs on the mainland and get the masters on the way to a PhD. So there are more options that can be considered.

Where there is a will there is a way. In this economy, having another skill set is invaluable. I can’t see just sulking, collecting unemployment and waiting for a job to come to me. It is my decision to take personal responsibility for myself and family, take the bull by the horns and do something to make life happen.

The Baby is due in six weeks

Six more weeks and I will get to hold our baby for the first time.  I don’t know how you feel about miracles, but there are some things in life that just go beyond the science for me. We have had the benefit of access to an ultrasound machine since the beginning and have gotten to watch the progress of the little one throughout the whole pregnancy.

At 8 weeks, I got to see our little one for the first time. The little one was not much bigger than a pea. However, there is a heart beating and movement. It was an amazing thing to see.

As the weeks progress, things started to come into focus. The head, spinal cord and eventually the arms, legs, hands and feet. We got to see hands open and close, legs straighten out and bend again, and at one point we even got to see the eyes open and close.

We are 32 weeks along as of this Sunday. Six more weeks to go and we can feel the little one kicking, moving and getting ready for the ride of a lifetime. Like most couples we are hoping for a non-eventful and safe delivery. No c-section or trauma. My wife is a warrior woman, So, I am not worried about her. If she has her way, she will be working all the way up to the time of the delivery.

I love to joke with my wife about the delivery and how it will be perceived from the little one’s perspective. One of my favorite things to mess with her about is whale speak. If you have ever see Finding Nemo, then you know about the scene where Dory starts speaking whale. I have adopted that for the little one’s entrance into the world. The little one, in whale speak, will  be saying, “I’m coming out, which way?” To which I will respond in whale speak, “Follow the light!” It always gets a laugh out of my wife and at this stage, it is the best medicine that I can offer.

That’s it for me today. It is a pretty quiet day even though I have a lot of work to do. This week is the calm before the storm as classes start next week. Looking forward to 17 hours. Whew this is going to be one whirlwind of a semester.

Strength and honor is not a right it is a privilege

One of my favorite moves of all time is Gladiator. The story is about two men, one is a warrior who loves his family, country, and king (Maximus) and the other is a politician who loves greed, power, and lust (Commodus). The movie presents the dichotomy of strength and honor compared to weakness and cowardice.

It is the strength and honor that I find the most intriguing. Maximus tends to be a quiet but calculating man. However, when forced to play the hand life has dealt him, he unleashes hell in all of its fury. So is it any wonder that one of my favorite lines in the movie is “strength and honor.”

There are many definitions of manhood. And being truly strong has nothing to do with how big your muscles are or how much power you hold. It has more to do with the content of your character and value of your integrity. A strong man’s life is defined by sacrifice. What is he willing to give up? (I am not talking about sweating the small stuff, there is a much lager scope of life to deal with.)

For many, life is about getting all you can, canning all you get, and then sitting on the can. It is a journey in selfishness and hardship. However it doesn’t have to be. While we will face hardship, the decision to be selfish or not is ours.

Think of some great men in recent history. The ones that come to my mind are Martin Luther King and Gandhi. When you think about great men, who do you think of? Who are the leaders of today that follow in the footsteps of those from yesteryear? Here is a challenge for you, who is the MLK or Gandhi of today? These men did not live that long ago. Who was it before them? Abraham Lincoln? William Wilberforce? Saladin?

I am sure that we will look back 50 years from now and see someone. However, in America it is becoming increasing difficult. The two major sides of the cultural spectrum are only concerned with warring with the other side. Demonizing is standard practice and very few take the time to understand others these days. The lines of civility are becoming blurred. Strength is being relinquished in favor of placation.

This is where we need to step in and say enough is enough. For every politician that abuses their office, there is a man who could challenge them. For every person caught in a human trafficking ring, there is a man who can stand up and do something to stop it. Men have shed their strength and honor for a false similitude of peace and safety. Where is the passion? Where is the strength? Or, are we going to expect that someone else will stand up and do something?

“All that is necessary for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing” – Edmund Burke

Within 24 hours an effin dragon rears its ugly head

It is amazing to see reality hit me in the face. Within 24 hours of posting about slaying effin dragons, I had the opportunity to take my own advice. There I am sitting at the dinner table with my wife and we are talking. Then all of a sudden a dragon rears its venomous head.

Before I tell you about the dragon, permit me to give you a little background as to why I helped this one hatch. I am not one who is known for sitting still. I have to constantly be doing something. Even when I am on an exercise bike or treadmill, I have to read a book. Or, if I am out jogging, I have to be listening to something productive on the iPod. I really have a hard time sitting still. I would love to blame it on the motor tick but that is not always the case.

So back to the story, there I am sitting at the dinner table and the “I’ve got to be doing something” bug hits. At about the same time, so does the latest dragon. This dragon comes in the form of time and presence. It was brought to my attention that I don’t spend enough time with my wife. Time can actually be just sitting and saying nothing (the bane of hyperactivity). Men there are some women who enjoy simply being in your presence with absolutely nothing going on. I know how hard that might be to imagine, but it is the truth.

After a long conversation about how important time and presence is, it is now time to practice what I preach. Will I be another typing head on WordPress or will I try to be the man I know I should be? Of course, the answer is obvious, both. I need to start paying more attention to the things that really matter.

Finally I don’t believe that people should change who they are, but they should grow. Growth should also be in a positive direction. Here is a chance. I’ll keep ya posted.

Slaying your wife’s effin dragons

If you are a stay at home dad, you have an incredible opportunity to become the man of your wife’s dreams (we should be that man now, but really, how many of us are?). Let’s face it guys, the romantic stuff is right up your wife’s alley. If she is like most women, she can’t get enough of it. And, if you are an at home dad, you have the prime opportunity to do something about it with some courting and wooing.

Some may ask, how does this make you more of a man? Um, reality check, if you have a wife, she is half of you (many might say your better half). And, if that half is not thriving and feeling loved then half of you is withering away. Before I get too deep into all of this, I know that all women are different. I am speaking in general terms. If something doesn’t apply to your wife, don’t worry. Just send me a critical comment and I will be happy to discuss.

Here is where you get to flex your man muscles. Slay the ‘effin dragon. Find dragons in your wife’s life and do something about it. If you don’t feel up to it, start small. If you listen carefully, you will hear things that your wife needs (little dragon – quick victory), wants (bigger dragon – may take some time to make it happen) and desires (the big ‘effin dragon – this one will take some work.)

Every woman has needs. Your first task is to find them out and meet them. This can be as simple as picking up her dry cleaning or running an errand for her that is normally her responsibility. Since you are at home, most likely that means that you get to do the shopping. Here is a thought for you non-romantic types, almost every grocery store I have been to has a flower department. If you want a quick win, try picking some up. I would challenge you to get flowers once a month. Believe it or not, making her smile is the beginning of dragon slaughter!

As you graduate from slaying the little dragons, you move into the arena of wants. Just like every woman has needs, they also have wants. You may think this is common sense, but you would be surprised how many men never take the the time to search for them. It may be a hug (which can also be a little dragon) or it can be actually taking care of some things around the house. The garage is a great place to start. Typically, it needs to be cleaned. These dragons usually coincide with the honey-do list. It will take some effort on your part, but it is not something that is impossible for you.

While I have your attention, from a purely psychological standpoint, physical touch is a very strong indicator of intimacy. However, since I am writing to a bunch of men, I have to say that I am not talking about sex. The physical touch I am talking about is more in line with the rubbing of the shoulders or the back. If your wife works all day on her feet, then feet and legs may take the place of shoulders and back. This can also be as simple as a hug or holding her hand. One thing you will find is that you don’t have to be — insert her favorite sexy movie star character here — for this to work. Even if you are a little awkward, she will appreciate the effort. The key here is consistency over time.

So what about the big ‘effin dragon? This will take some research and hard work, if you are up to it. Think of this as a hero’s quest. It will be up to you to determine what the dragon is and then start working towards slaying it. To help get you started, here are some examples of what big ‘effin dragons can be. She wants to go back to school and get a degree or advanced degree. She wants to spend two weeks at an all inclusive resort with just you and no kids. She wants to go on a cruise. She wants to write a book.

As you can see the big ‘effin dragon will take a lot more time, coordination and planning. You may not have a lot of money to do nice things. Or, if you are like me, your organization skills may be lacking. In either case, slaying the big ‘effin dragon will require you to grow as a man. When you reach this stage, you will not only learn more about your wife but you will also learn more about yourself. If you need help in this area, feel free to contact me. I would be happy to share whatever I can.

Start training today! Slaying dragons is a lost art and if you can’t be the knight in shiny armour then be the knight in dinged up and well worn armour. Either way, your bride will be happy to have a champion.

Five ways a stay at home dad can make some money

In my last post, I introduced myself and gave you a little heads up as to my thought processes. I mentioned in a few months I will be joining the fold of at home dads.  One of the reasons that a dad stays home is because the wife has more income making potential. Another is that he simply can’t find a job in this economy. Not enough recovery I suppose. However, just because you are at home does not mean that you cannot bring in some cash. Here are five things you can do to help pad the income in your family.

1. eBay is your friend. Now, I am not talking about setting up a room and collecting junk from people to sell (you can do that if you like, promote it as an antique store or something). For this to work you have to be interested in what you are dealing with. Do you like to play paintball? Are you a tech nerd? Find what interests you and then set up a store on eBay to buy and sell this stuff. Why will it work? It will work because it is what you like. You know your stuff. Now capitalize on it.

2. Go Solo. For those of you who do have skills that can be utilized anywhere, go solo. Odds are you know someone, who knows someone. Set up a simple site to let the world know what you do. Are you good with numbers, do some book keeping. Do you have web skills? Great! Start doing some solo gigs. You never know when the gig may turn into something that is flexible and pays well.

3. Open a bed and breakfast. Yes this is an expensive option, but if you live in an area that is even the slightest bit touristy, you can capitalize on the visitors who visit. Yes, you have to have the home for it and certainly have to have wife buy-in, but it can make a huge difference when it comes to paying the mortgage.

4. Build something. Are you the crafty sort of gent who is good at making things with his hands? Build something to sell in local craft or furniture shops. The more you have out there the more people are likely people are to buy something. Don’t sell your hobbies short, sell your hobbies. Those hobbies can turn into income if you set them free to do so.

5. For you creative types, saturate. Let me explain. If you are a painter, paint. Get as much exposure for your work as you can. If you are a musician, write songs and produce music. There are more than enough places to offer your talents online and you don’t need the big labels to distribute your work. Are you a photographer? Take pictures and then sell them online.  The difficult thing for creatives is that you get caught up in the art of it and never get around to the sale. Hence, you become a starving artist. Your new mantra should be produce and release. Produce your work and release it for consumption.

There you have it. Five ways to earn money from home. This is not going to be easy but you are the one who wants a little extra cash. To get the cash you will need to work. If a man doesn’t work he doesn’t eat. Sure you have kids to take care of but it is time to step up and do something about it.

Do you have additional money making ideas from home? Share them in the comments. Be careful though, if I catch the slightest hint of spam or self-product-promotion, I will drop your comment into a black hole never to be seen by the light ever again.

Stay at home and still be a man!

In a matter of months I will be setting out on one of the greatest adventures that man has ever embarked on. I will become a stay at home dad. What exactly does this mean? I think a better question is what does it not mean?

It does not mean that I will follow the cults of Martha Stewart or Oprah religiously. It does not mean that I will give up TNA or WWE. It does not mean that I will all of a sudden develop a highly sophisticated fashion sense. And, it does not mean that my cojones will cease to function.

I am under no illusion that being a stay at home dad is no easy task. Will I take care of the household duties? Yes. I will do dishes; with a dishwasher. I will clean the house. However, don’t expect candles and potpourri. More importantly, I will raise and take care of our little one as Dad and not as a substitute Mom. Being Mom is my wife’s job.

On a less combative note, over the course of the next several years I plan on chronicling my progress and growth. From the outside perspective it looks like I am taking all the “womanly” duties on. Oh, combative hat one more time, to those men who want to make skirt or “the little man” jokes, bring it on. You will find that you may have picked a fight with the wrong Dad.

Back on topic, other than breast feeding, what physical things like taking care of kids and the family can I not do? The simple answer is that there are none. Men have been taking care of families for years. They either don’t get credit for what they do or get placed into a stereotypical box of being weak because they are not out in the workforce “bringing home bacon.”

Additionally, I will be addressing some of the research surrounding stay at home fathers. As I find a study or a useful morsel of information that can help explain things, I will pass it along. Take it for what it is worth. Sometimes the research says things we don’t want to hear, but it is reality. Additionally, don’t take it personally. The studies are representative of a whole and not individualized.

Here’s to you, stay at home dad. Another is joining the fold. One that is not going to encourage you to domesticate but instead, Dadmesticate. Take care of your family and do it like a man!

What do you say, have the cojones to leave a comment?